My aunt answers the door and there he was standing looking over her shoulders straight at me. My aunts face was pure shock and mine didn’t seem any different than hers…but my cousins face was totally stunned, we were literally JUST talking about my dad. I’m sure he heard I was in town and he went looking for me there but I never asked how he knew I was there. It was all too weird that the only explanation I found far beyond understanding was God. That’s it. So my dad took me out for a movie that night and we talked a little. It wasn’t the way I expected and I felt like it all just happened too fast. Maybe it wasn’t the right time to talk about it.
The weekend I graduated High School I got myself a ticket to Chicago where he was with his new wife. My sister and I wanted to spend some time with him and get to know him. All we really had were memories. We spent a lot of time together there and I finally had the chance to ask him to forgive me for all the anger and hate I grew against him and at that moment, he looked at me and he told me how much he hated himself for all the hurt and pain he ever caused us and he asked me to forgive him. We both cried and forgave each other and that was the first time I felt like I got to know who my dad was, that was the day that I could overcome the pain, the frustration, the anger, the bitterness that was contaminating my heart. The first time I was able to take a good deep breath was the day I learned there’s a God who loves me and all of those who seek him no matter the background. I was able to forgive my dad for the times I needed him, I was able to ask my mom to forgive me for all the times I didn’t understand why and the times I pointed fingers at her and all she wanted was to love me, but most of all I was able to forgive myself for all the wasted years. I didn’t know that what I needed was already waiting for me with open arms anxious for me to call on him to come and heal me from it all, Jesus.
The truth is this process hasn’t been easy at all, but I always put in my part as a daughter. I don’t think I’m any better than my dad or anyone who makes mistakes and errors in their life. I have made my own mistakes as well and being forgiven by the people I’ve hurt makes me feel like I have another opportunity, we all deserve one, we’re not any better than our neighbor and our faults all weigh equally. If you can’t forgive here on earth, then how can our Lord and Savior, God, forgive you when you seek him and when you need him the most? The key is to forgive…and forget. Let go and let God. Not forgetting someones mistakes only holds a grudge inside you and it makes you bitter unconsciously, it’s a leaking stain that keeps growing and getting everything else dirty in time. Instead of growing anger, learn from a mistake, even if it’s not your own.
This post is for those millennials who probably needed to hear it from someone else. There IS a way out and there IS much more beyond that situation. In order to overcome you have to forgive yourself first, and then those who hurt you. Forgiveness is not for that person, but for you to close that wound, forgiveness is for you. If you have that chance to overcome that situation and you take it, you can be free from that weight on your shoulders, and those ugly memories that don’t let you move forward. Make your own story now and decide to overcome your struggle. It’s your turn.
**If you feel like this was for you, I truly recommend this movie from the bottom of my heart: “I can only Imagine”**
My Curly Mess,